Aftetr reading my previous post over i realized, i dont feel that way about love at all. Love hurts, thats why we run from it, make excuses as to why it doesnt exist, and come to despise it. I was watching a movie ( i know, cliche) but i saw something that made me realize what i miss the most. Snuggling on the couch… argueing over who gets the last bite of icecream (which i always won), but most of all… looking into someones eyes and knowing that at that moment you are the only thing on their mind. Im so tired of waiting for something that i wont have… i look at the guys who could never give me that feeling, yet i still bend over backwards to try. WHY??? im not looking for a pity party, i just wander why when we have an amazing person right in front of us do we look for the person who is unavailable… that will make us go through a constant emotional rollercoaster of never knowing how they truely feel. i would say i cant do it anymore… but ill continue to, as long as you continue to string me along… im done for the night. This is Cory signing out!
today in church they spoke of love. they also spoke about the fact that it is the most important thing in the bible, both our love for God and our love for one another. i cannot help but correlate this to love with a significant other. in todays day and time we are taught to love with a sheild, protecting ourselves from the heartbreak that follows just about every relationship. so i got to thinking, can a thing called love survive the new millennium?
i have done the go around, my “first love” was a three year relationship. we lived together and even exchanged rings… what happened? he wound up getting caught with his best friends, boyfriends, dick in his mouth… but he still “loved” me. we broke up and then i had a guy fall in love with me… needless to say it was not recipricated. my good friend Poo told me that in ever relationship someone has to be the bad guy… and if-so-facto then the relationship must ultimately end… with the “good” guy being the victim…. this is love?
yes i remember the giddy, heartstopping, all consuming INFATUATION i had for… well we will call him Mr. Big… but i also remember two years into our relationship crying myself to sleep bc he got drunk and passed out on the couch on my birthday, or me waking up in the middle of the night to him snoring and me wanting to put a pillow over his face. i know i sound crazy but as me and Amanda, my 22 year old partner in crime, discussed over drinks one night… after the first six months a relationship becomes more of a routine then that heart pounding romance you once had gets replaced my open door bathroom regimens.
now maybe i have this all wrong and if so, i pray someone changes my mind soon! because all this cynicism is making me give off bad vibes! this is Cory signing out for the night! whoohoo to my first post!